Death

Many of you don't know but I work in a group home providing direct care for 4 of the most amazing people you will ever meet. They are all low functioning and are not verbal, but they have each taught me so much about life. They have become a part of my family, my passion, and my career.
2:45am my phone rang on 12/8. I looked and it was work. Since we have had a quite a few hospitalizations in the past few months i was just thinking it was a call to say that someone was in the hospital and I needed to go there at 6 instead of the house. However, I was incredibly wrong. My favorite resident passed away last night. Trouble (what we will call him for hippa reasons) always knew how to make you smile, wither it was the deep ho ho ho that meant he had done something bad, a chuckle when you dropped something, or him just goofing around with you. I have never had a job that I looked forward to going to, got up at 430AM daily and worked some ungodly hours oct-beg of dec.
When I got the call I didn't know how to handle it, I have been blessed to not have dealt with death first hand at all through out my life. I was always really young when great grandparents and others passed. I felt sick and was not sure if I wanted to go say good bye or just stay home. Being I am not one that likes to cry in front of people I decided I would go comfort people and say good bye.
My 35 min drive seemed like forever and it felt like the car never warmed up, Trouble was supposed to be ok... I thought we where making progres.
This story is long and I have too much going through my head, so im going to try to sleep and ill get the rest out later.
Pray for my coworkers and other residents, this is a SUPER hard time!